Spinning

This next song I wrote in September of 2017.  This was an intense month of my recovery.  I was struggling on a regular basis each day trying to find a way to make sense of all that my body, mind, and spirit were going through.  My concussion and the emotional trauma were still at the forefront of my everyday struggle.  This song talks about how lost I was feeling.  I felt like I was spinning out of control trying to find myself, and yet on another level realizing parts of me had died in my accident.  I lost much of what I refer to as “my innocence.”  I used to believe there was a “plan” to life, yet after my accident it hit me very hard and very deeply that whatever I do becomes my plan. At that point I felt like my life had no plan in sight. I no longer wanted to feel like I was just spinning my wheels without any conscious direction. I wanted to live more fully awake to my decisions and choices and be aware of how each would manifest in my life. Yet at that point of my recovery I had no idea if I would ever fully heal from my accident never the less actually find peace in my heart and mind. 

Two years after my accident I realized I needed to give myself time to think.  I never thought about my thoughts in that way before, I realized how important and how meaningful it is to give myself time to simply think about my life and what I want to do with it.  Before my accident I was always doing, doing, doing, now I try to focus on being in the moment (as often as I remember). Now that I am focused on being instead of doing I am finding more satisfaction in my life.  This took a great deal of soul searching and each day I continue to try to dive deeper into myself, my mind, heart, and soul. 

During this stage of my recovery I was not sure how I was going to make it through and was searching to find a way to heal from all the physical and emotional trauma of my accident. I felt like I was spinning with no end in sight. Sometimes you may find yourself simply spinning as I was in October of 2017.